Cereal: one of humanity’s greatest achievements. A food that can be enjoyed at all times of day with minimal judgment. Sure, eggs and bacon are fine, but how often do they come out with new flavors? I’d just like some variety in my breakfast. But how do I choose between the hundreds of options? Well, I don’t know about hundreds, but after trying a few mainstream cereals on the market, here are my thoughts.

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Reese’s Puffs

“Peanut butter, chocolate, great when separate, but when they combine they make the morning time epic,” as the commercial goes. Reese’s Puffs are the Romeo and Juliet of the breakfast world. Why pit peanut butter and chocolate against one another in a bitter rivalry when teamwork can accomplish so much more? Peanut butter brings the savory, chocolate brings the sweet. There isn’t much else you could ask for. Unfortunately, you can only do so much to mask the taste and texture of a corn puff. Nonetheless, there’s no false advertising here. If you like peanut butter and chocolate, you’ll probably like Reese’s Puffs.

Cookie Crisp

When I was a wee lad, the concept of this cereal was baffling. The revelation that cookies could be eaten for breakfast was something I had never even considered. Years later, I was able to get a box for myself and came to the realization that Cookie Crisp isn’t very good. The so-called “cookies” are too small, too hard and taste almost nothing like actual cookies. You could only imagine my disappointment biting into a spoonful of what I thought would be a plethora of delicious chocolate chip cookies, only to find out that the wolf in the commercials had been feeding me lies the entire time. Calling this cereal a letdown is an understatement.

Lucky Charms

The duality of marshmallows and oats is something that Lucky Charms does so well. Even as someone who isn’t a big fan of marshmallows, I can admit that Lucky Charms is fantastic. If the cereal was just oats alone I’d still eat it. I don’t know if it’s just the contact those oats have had with the marshmallows or if they actually use magic, but they taste a whole lot better than Cheerios. The combination of both marshmallows and oats leaves me wanting more, though that may be a side effect of the copious amounts of sugar that go into every box.

Cheerios

Like I mentioned previously, I don’t much care for Cheerios. Why would I waste precious stomach space on something so devoid of flavor? Cheerios are just as bland and uninteresting as they were 80 years ago, a relic of the past somehow surviving into the present. Society has evolved past the need for these tasteless oat rings, and yet they continue to live on. I understand that dieting is important and whatnot, but I can’t imagine starting my day off with a bowl of Cheerios. I’d rather just skip breakfast entirely.