Now that school is back in session, fall is upon us once again. The temperature is dropping, the leaves are changing colors, and Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas is You” can be faintly heard in your local CVS. But, you may ask yourself, what on Earth is there to do? Fear not, for your new favorite columnist has arrived to offer you tried and tested solutions to the ever-growing issue of boredom.

Apple picking

Deemed a 4-star fruit by Common Sense’s own Riley Jordan in March of this year, the “righteous” apple makes for both a delicious snack and a fun activity. Had it not been for the trend-setting fruit, we may have ended up with a banana store at Montgomery Mall. Apple picking brings us back to the days of hunter-gatherers. What was once a necessary step for survival is now a leisurely activity enjoyed by people of all ages. If you’re going to buy some fresh produce, you might as well have fun doing it.

My suggestion: check out Waters Orchard in Gaithersburg.

Football games

What’s more fun than tossing the old pigskin around? Watching others do it from the sidelines, of course. Nothing is more American than football (or at least our rendition of it). Whether you enjoy high school, college, or professional football, one thing’s for certain… it’s exciting. People running into each other is definitely up there with license plates and seafood enchiladas as one of my favorite things. Unfortunately, we can’t all be the 1972 Dolphins. Losing is inevitable, and yet equally as heartbreaking every time it happens. Seeing the opposing team walk off of the field victorious is crushing, and in a perfect world, all games would end with a mercy rule at halftime in my team’s favor. Speaking of football, might I suggest attending the game against Churchill on Friday?

My suggestion: come to the football game against Churchill on Friday, Sept. 24.

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Corn mazes

Much like the mazes on the backs of cereal boxes or next to the chicken tenders on the Applebee’s kids’ menu, the humble corn maze proves far too difficult. Challenging myself is something I’m not ready to do. If the Impractical Jokers have taught me anything, it’s that corn mazes are scary and filled with the ghosts of little girls and haunted scarecrows. Call me Sal Vulcano, because that doesn’t sound like a good time to me. I’d much rather do a different corn-related activity. I’m just in it for the corn, though this isn’t “A Lukewarm Perspective: Vegetables,” so I won’t bore you with the details.

My suggestion: find your way out of The Maryland Corn Maze in Gambrills.

Pumpkin spice

In another call back to a previous article (in this case my own), pumpkin spice-flavored things are, in general, delicious. Society was forever changed in 2003 when Starbucks introduced the Pumpkin Spice Latte. Ever since then, these Frankenstein’s Monster-like creations have flooded store shelves and found their way into consumers’ homes. Like others, I too fall victim to my own curiosity. I like to treat pumpkin spice with the dignity and respect it deserves. You’re telling me if you saw a carton of pumpkin spice eggs in the grocery store you wouldn’t buy it? Get real.

My suggestion: get a box of Pumpkin Spice Twinkies.