Crash Course: Parking Edition


It’s hard enough to park a mid-sized truck in a lot and manage to get it between the two white lines. Now imagine having two cramped, mid-sized cars trying to pull into small spots right next to you in your big truck, with 10 minutes to go before class starts, and a bunch of students all looking at each other as they park.
Every day, over 100 students frantically try to squeeze into small parking spots in the lower lot without causing accidents, traffic or conflict with fellow students.
So in order to avoid these problems and dazzle the students with your parking skills, I have come up with a list that will instantly transform you into an accident-proof driver…
Successful steps to parking without problems:
1. Drive down Wootton Parkway without honking the horn or hitting the brakes suddenly.
2. If number one is successful, move to step three. If not, take the shortcut down Hurley Road to skip the long lights and traffic.
3. Upon entering the parking lot, turn down the row in which your spot is located without hitting any pedestrians. Do not honk horn, as kids become alarmed and may shoot death glares.
4. Locate spot, checking to see if the cars who generally park next to yours are currently there. If so, move on to step five.
If not, whip around to the other side of your spot, allowing for an easy pull through to avoid contacts with neighboring vehicles.
5. Begin turning wheel earlier than normal. This allows for
outsiders to become alert that you are parking and ensures that you will not hit the car to your right.
6. Do not listen to fellow passengers when parking, they will distract you and cause accidents. If someone in the vehicle tells you to do something, do the opposite.
7. Security guards are on the lookout all morning for accidents, parking violations, or to distribute tickets. Make sure that you park cleanly and efficiently as to not be suspected of ever causing damage to another car. “This is the first year I’ve seen so many kids struggle to park. I’m watching you guys, so don’t mess up,” security guard Chris Pucciarelli said.
8. Lastly, Ensure that your car has enough room on each side of the vehicle. Younger siblings have a tendency to yank the door open, hitting cars to the side. Avoid this at all costs, you will be blamed, not your sibling.
9. Lock your car. Don’t trust anyone. Protect your car.
10. Before you leave your car for school, look around and see if your car needs adjusting. Do not be a pain and cause hassle for those in front or behind you if your car’s tail is too far out in the street. Readjust if necessary.
Now that you know how to successfully park, I need to give you the one caveat. This amazing wonderful list isn’t fool proof. People are unpredictable and hard to read. Parking falls into that category of tasks that either people are very successful at or could be hell on wheels. Take extreme caution driving a motor vehicle. Please never text and drive. Stay safe Wootton.


Kelly Schuler

Commons Editor