“Please excuse my child, [he or she] was not feeling well,” seems to be the common phrase that parents sign off for their children when writing the mandatory pass needed to be turned into the Attendance Office.
We should take some time to peruse the other excuses kids have chosen to tell the school, to get rid of those two ugly words stamped onto report cards, unexcused absence. Most students use the same excuse repeatedly, even though that’s not their reason for missing, “I’m usually sick when I can’t come to school, but one time I was late and wrote that my car broke down,” an anonymous senior said.
To help us come up with creative reasons, I approached Terri Buck, the head of the Attendance Office, and asked her what some of the most unique excuses have been.
The names of these students will remain anonymous, allowing them to escape the laughter and judgement that they rightfully deserve when they thought to present these letters to the school.
My favorite after reading over the long list of top excuses that Buck complied would have to be “I couldn’t come to school because I was getting my stuff ready for the winter.” Not only did this student confess to hibernating, but they just revealed to the school board that they were a bear, so to that extent they should no longer bother gracing us with their presence due to the fear and terror they would bring to the school halls. If you would like to be excused from daily classes, this excuse would not only get you sent to the principal office, but don’t be surprised if they lead you toward a large cage.
A close second comes when a female student’s beauty regimen went wrong, resulting in her reason for absence. Her mother wrote, “My daughter cannot concentrate because she got her eyebrows waxed four days ago and they still hurt.” Being one who has gone through the painful experience of waxing, I can attest to the aftermath that this procedure can cause, yet four days after they have been done? Or enough pain to cause an absence from school? I think not. Nevertheless, if you feel that you too have suffered enough pain to skip a whole day’s work and ice up those swollen and sore eyebrows, then this is the excuse for you.
The last noteworthy excuse was one that should be used by people everywhere, “My parents didn’t wake me up because they thought that today was a holiday, so I did too.” This is America. The list of holidays that we print on our calendars slowly grows, so might as well add on another and use that as a reason to skip school.
Some others from the Attendance Office include:
“My son was late because we were arguing about him being late.”
“Can I bring the Burger King receipt as documentation?”
“My children are late today because they woke up with stomachs!”
“She had a different kind of sleep.”
“She wasn’t looking well.”

Kelly Schuler

Commons Editor