Back to the future

After graduating with a degree in journalism from the University of Maryland, Brian Myers will take his talents back home to work for The Washington Post. From there he will work his way up the chain to become editor-in-chief. Brian will marry the love of his life, and they will have 15 children… all girls.

– Adam Friedman


Following graduation, Joe Pohoryles headed north to Boston University. His fortunes changed when his March Madness bracket became the first-ever perfect entry. After collecting his millions and publishing The New York Times-bestselling memoir Joe Knows, Pohoryles purchased the WNBA’s Washington Mystics. He currently serves as their owner and general manager.

John Riker

Following her graduation from UCLA, Kayla Hill sets out to follow her dream of being a broadcaster. However, she gets temporarily sidetracked to form the extremist group Girls Against Country Music (GACM). She then collabs with Chrissy Teigen for a cookbook, and the Twitter locals go wild for it.

Chloe Perel

After graduating from USC with a major in meme design, Amy Weintraub married her high school sweetheart, Shane. Tragedy struck their marriage three months later when Shane got in a car crash because he was distracted by the Oreo billboard. Shane had severe brain damage from the accident and due to Amy’s caring nature, she spends the rest of her life looking after Shane and serving him e-coli infused chicken nuggets.

Justin Fishman

After four anxiety-ridden years coaching for the University of Maryland’s football team, Abigail Russ will continue on as the commissioner of the NFL, and she’ll make sure that everybody – absolutely everybody – knows it. In 15 years due time, she’ll still somehow be stressing about preparations for the next Wootton prom.

– Kristina Tsakos

After college, John Riker legally changed his name to “The John Riker.” Upon receiving a loan from mentor and lifelong muse, Jerry Jones, he bought the Orlando Magic, becoming the coach/GM and starting point guard. Once retired, he began his award-winning podcast “Potty Talk on The John,” where he discusses the exploits of his heyday.

– Joe Pohoryles

Jonnie Voyta is a 30-year-old man who is living on the edge. After dropping out of college, when his invention of a computer program that does homework hit the market, Jonnie is making millions of dollars. Jonnie agrees to help pay for the Raiders new stadium in his favorite city, Las Vegas. But, he gambles his money away every weekend instead. Jon Gruden is currently trying to find Jonnie, but Jonnie is out of money and goes off of the grid for good. – Danny Rothenberg

After graduating at Tulane with a degree in nursing, Jake Klugerman decided to pursue his true passion, basketball. Jake entered the WNBA draft and became the first man to ever play in the league. After a 15-year career, Jake decided to retire, averaging 2.8 points per game.

– Ethan Reff

Nitya Kumar is now 34 years old and got her doctor’s degree from George Washington University after studying chemistry. She opens up her own doctor’s office and loves going to work everyday. When she’s not in the hospital, she’s living in her penthouse with two dogs watching superhero movies or going out to see comedy shows.

– Joyce Yang

In 40 years Kristina Tsakos, otherwise known as the Lorax, will graduate from Loyola University Chicago with a degree in environmental science. She will speak for the trees protecting the rainforests and its endangered species. She will have Big Fat Greek Wedding and have an owl as the ring bearer and have many flower girls for all of her nieces.

– Abby Russ

After a successful field hockey career at Brown University, Chloe Perel kindly rejects an invitation to the 2024 Olympics to move on to bigger and better things. After retreating to the Swiss mountainside, Perel will become a goat herder in the European country with her husband Us and Black Panther star Winston Duke.

– Kayla Hill

After miraculously graduating from Cornell University, Dennis Child will join his siblings, Hayley, Max, Benson and Kirby to form a family band known as Child’s Play. Following the group’s messy break-up, Dennis will eventually settle down with an Amazon Alexa.

– James Barberis

Joyce Yang is a judge of the Pacific Miss Asian American Pageant after being a well-known pageant queen. After getting a business degree, she is now a tycoon and has her own pageant training camp. The New York Times claims she is the new “Tyra Banks” of the beauty pageant industry. You can see her chaotic life as a model and mogul on the next season of “Next Top Queen,” only on E!.

– Nitya Kumar

Once at Elon University, Hannah Shapiro will try out different classes to try and determine a major. After trying out psychology, animal biology and zoology, she realized her true passion lies in being president of her sorority chapter. After graduating, Hannah brings her dog Roxie and becomes the housemother of the Alpha Chi Omega house.

– Hannah Ho

After graduating from UMD Ethan Reff has the good fortune of meeting the Green Bay Packers head coach at a Wisconsin cheese lover convention. Reff impresses the coach with his knowledge of NFL stadium names, and is announced as Aaron Rodgers replacement. He leads the Packers to many Super Bowls using mayo ice cubes as his secret fuel for success.

– Jake Klugerman

After Justin Fishman has his first son Shane, his father hands the family law firm over to him. His unhealthy gambling addiction leads to his wife leaving him. He begins a non-profit organization to help single fathers like him care for their toddlers. He pockets the funds for gambling purposes. Now, Justin and Shane live in his parents’ basement.

– Amy Weintraub

After college, Danny Rothenberg takes over his family business Talk of the Town. While working there Danny hosts a birthday party for Los Angeles Chargers running back Melvin Gordon’s son. During the birthday party, Danny abducts Melvin Gordon’s son and forces him to memorize all of the stadiums of the world. Melvin Gordon tracks down Danny and pushes him down a hill.

– Jonnie Voyta

The year is 2050. James Barberis graduated from Florida State University in 2023. He is now a billionaire movie director and has directed classics such as Donald Trumpet and Avengers 37. He resides in Hollywood, CA, with his 17 daughters and wife Jennifer Aniston.

– Dennis Child

After graduating from NYU’s Stern School of Business, Hannah Ho received many job offers from prestigious companies. About a month after working, Hannah was fired for arriving three hours late to work for the first 29 days of her job, and she now works in the NYU gift shop, the 12-8 p.m. shift.

– Hannah Shapiro

After graduating from East Carolina University in two and a half years, alpha-male kinesiologist Adam Friedman went on to be a podiatrist, specializing in toes. Adam minored in botany, and was recently the first person to engineer a tree that grows toes on its branches, providing delicious toe jam for all.

– Brian Myers

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