From hundred milkshake flavors to nominal 15

In 2008, I assigned myself a mission. It was something that I knew would take years to complete, but I was determined to accomplish it before I graduated from high school in 2018.

I resolved to try every single flavor of milkshake at Cheeburger Cheeburger’s Fallsgrove location in alphabetical order, from apple pie to white chocolate raspberry. It had been a dream of mine for my last article to lay forth my favorite and least favorite flavors after years of trial.

In the decade since, I have had what is likely to be over 100 milkshakes from Cheeburger alone. I’ve always had a sweet tooth, and likewise have always wanted to find out what my true favorite flavor of milkshake is. Cheeburger Cheeburger’s abounding list left me little choice but to solve that puzzle.

Yet when I walked into the store with some friends on Dec. 1, I found all those years of analyzing and waiting to have been nothing less than a massive waste of years of my life.

Cheeburger Cheeburger had replaced their long list of milkshake flavors (which may very well have been in the triple digits) with an incredibly weak selection of what is now 15 flavors. With just three left for me to try – very berry, watermelon, and white chocolate raspberry – I pleaded desperately with the woman behind the counter to make me these three final flavors so I could complete my long task. She refused to make the flavors even though I could clearly see the mixes for such flavors resting immediately behind her.

This complete lack of care that Cheeburger Cheeburger showed to a loyal customer of many years is why I have placed them under an immediate boycott, and why I strongly recommend that you do as well.

The food at the restaurant is fine. It’s a close and casual place to get a decent burger, and one where I’ve gone with friends and family alike for years. But I simply cannot understand why a restaurant would limit itself when one of its signature attractions was a list of milkshakes that far surpassed any other burger place I’ve ever seen.

I had tried flavors as unique as granny smith apple and Irish creme. Now it feels like the most thrilling flavor offered is vanilla.
As I left the establishment on what would be my final visit that wretched day in early December, I noticed a sign on the wall proudly proclaiming, “Over a zillion combinations. Try them all!”

The irony of this sign is, of course, overwhelming. Not only do they have an incredibly limited selection of flavors that greatly diminishes my desire to return, but, quite simply, it is evident that they do not wish for their customers to in fact “try them all.”
Whatever they wish for me, I have tried enough of them.

So if you’re hankering for a burger that’s quick and comparably priced, might I recommend BGR in Rio. Its burgers are better, and, more importantly, so are the milkshakes.

 

Matthew Klein

Managing Editor

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