On Jan. 27, President Donald Trump signed Executive Order 13769, banning entrants to the U.S. from seven Muslim-majority countries and halting the nation’s Syrian refugee program. Whether or not you interpret that to be a violation of the Constitution, it does bring to mind the potential power of the executive of our own educational institution. Here, I list four executive orders Principal Kimberly Boldon should pass that would better the overall Wootton experience.
Forcing students to walk on the right side of the hall would ensure order and safety. Nothing is more obnoxious—nor more hazardous—than walking through the hallways and being forced to make physical contact, or, even worse, conversation, with a complete doofus stranger unaware of modern social convention. Picture it now: you’re on the transition from second to third period and you’re turning around the corner of a stairwell. Out of nowhere, some moron barrels downward on the left side of the hallway and there’s an immediate collision. It’s embarrassing, painful and should be a violation of some sort of written law code.
The United Kingdom, Japan and India drive on the left side of the road. Last I checked, we aren’t in any of those countries, so do us all a favor Mrs. Boldon—keep these wandering, wavering fools in line. Better yet, to the right of it.
Mrs. Boldon should also do everything humanly possible to abolish the portables. The worst part about winter is being forced to walk outside in the middle of the day in the freezing cold just to get to world history. Now, don’t get me wrong—I love AP World History as much as the next guy. But is it worth having to put on a woolen coat in the period before just to get to class? The answer is no.
And guess what’s getting blown away first when a spontaneous tornado decides to strike down on Rockville? The portables. Rain pitters and patters and winds howl on stormy days, making it very hard to recall information about the year 8000 B.C.E.. God forbid an earthquake comes; the whole portable will just sink right into the ground. Do they meet federal safety standards? I’d be willing to bet not.
Opening the boys’ bathrooms in the back of the school is a must. I had math in room 268 first semester; the bathroom was a taunting 10 meters away. Yet when I felt an unbearable pressure in my bladder in class and got a pass to use the restroom, I found myself having to cross the Sahara Desert to relieve myself. Mrs. Boldon, I hope you understand that when it comes to bathrooms, there is no joking around.
Mandate a pep rally once a quarter to promote what I like to call “school nationalism.” Pride for our school would unite us closer together, encourage students to attend the sporting events of a variety of teams and would give students a much needed break from their already stressful and remarkably routine schedules.
I hope Boldon will consider widespread amd far-reaching executive action throughout her tenure as principal for order to be preserved.
Matthew Klein
Features Editor
